Why is it that eventhough I work and have an important and demanding job everything with the home and the children is still my responsibility? I think that is the hardest part of being a working mom.
This realization was brought to the forefront this past week when my nanny got sick. My husband never even offered to stay home from work nor did he make suggestions on how to find alternate daycare. Instead, I was scrambling, calling friends, posting on facebook and babysitting sites to find an alternative sitter while he sat there with this blank stare saying "well what are you going to do"- you being the operative word. Because it was not his problem, only mine. I ended up missing work last Thursday and Friday and then getting a friend to watch them today. I was so infuriated last night because along with finding alternate childcare, I was stuffing eggs for Princess's school egg hunt, folding laundry, packing a bag for Angel Baby for the next day and my husband was in bed, reading a book and sulking because I had been angry with him over not offering to help.
Then at work we had a BORING webinar during my lunch hour. Throughout the talk, I am texting my nanny and other sitters to coordinate care for tomorrow. As I am doing this, my boss asks me sarcastically- "are you getting all of this" (my boss is a man with no children) I wanted to just scream- "you are taking the one hour I have to myself to try and take care of the 1000 things I have to do and if I am not here tomorrow because I have no babysitter, you will bitch about it all day. Not to mention I am a woman so that means I can multitask, so yes I am hearing every boring thing these men are saying while finding care for my children for tomorrow" - but instead, I just smiled.
We are so hard on ourselves and yet oftentimes, society does not help. Our bosses expect us to be a work, our husbands expect us to take care of the children and home, and our children expect us to do everything. As mothers, we are expected to balance it all and most days I can accomplish this but sometimes it is overwhelming and you know what I have learned in these trying days- I have to ask for help. My husband will not just offer it though he would gladly assisted if I asked. I have to ask my friends for help and 99.9% of the time (mostly because they are moms) they will help anyway they can. It is just as a working mother I hate admitting I can not handle it all, I hate asking for help and all I want is for someone to say- wow you do alot! But for today, I will accept help, I will try not to feel guilty, and I will pray all day that my nanny is better tomorrow because this has been VERY stressful!
yep. double standard. men aren't expected to contribute equally and most don't. we won't have real equality for women/mothers until men do their fair share.
ReplyDelete