Working Mom

I was asked to do a guest post on the following blog www.butidohavealawdegree.com-check it out - it is one of my favorites.  I just think all us mommies (working and SAH) need encouragement so it is nice to be reminded we are not the only ones who struggle at this whole balancing act.

Here is my story.  I am mother of two wonderful (and exhausting) children, a Navy Wife, a part-time attorney, daughter, sister, friend- like many of you readers, I am trying to do it all.  Which I believe only multiplies the amount of guilt I feel!

I often wish I could talk to my 20 year old self and tell her to really reconsider her career choice.  At the time, I just was not ready to be done with school and I wanted to know I could always support myself.  I was not thinking like a mother and certainly not like a Navy Wife (ie I have already taken 2 bar exams and will probably have to take at least 2-3 more before it is all said and done).  I just don't believe that at 20 we should have to decide what we are to do for the rest of our lives.  I luckily have found a wonderful nanny to love my children when I am not there and a small law firm that allows me to work only 4 days a week and recognizes the importance of my family and how that will always take precedenc- but this unfortunately is the rarity in the legal field and in 2 years time I will be moving again, starting over again, building a reputation again, all the while trying to make the move as seemless and easy on my husband and children as possible.  Because besides being an attorney, I am a Navy Wife.

As my fellow Navy Wife once said, I am the happiest married single mother there is.  My husband is an excellent partner and an amazing father.  I was once told to marry a man who you would be happy to have a son just like- and I would be thrilled if my son is as wonderful as my husband.  But with the nature of my husband's job, he is gone ALOT.  When my daughter was 6 weeks old, he left for the first time.  I was in the throws of post partem depression, am a type A so was freaking out on how I was going to care for the baby and  had no family close.  But I survived because if there is one thing us military wives are it is survivors.  Now, I need to clarify because as far as military wives are concerned I have it rather easy.  The longest my husband has every been gone straight since we have been married is 3 months.  He has never deployed for 12-18 months, or gone to Afghanistan but you do live in fear that it will happen.  Plus, he comes and goes alot which is hard to explain to little ones who have no concept of time.  I do not write this post as a pity party, more as informative of what military wives go through and how no matter how you try, there is no civilian job that compares.  That being said I am very blessed- my husband has a great job that he loves and is proud of and in which he is secure which is a rarity these days.

Most importantly, I am a mother.  My children are the most important things in the world to me and I would give anything to protect them and care for them.  I work, not because I want to, but because I have to in order to provide them with the security that I oftentimes did not have growing up.  I don't want them to be spoiled but secure.  I want to teach them to be sweet but strong and independent (but not so independent that they move far away from their mommy); to be smart but not smart-alecs; to be respectful but question what is not right- but most importantly I want them to know they are loved and how special they are and I think as a working mom this is the hardest as I feel like I am constantly leaving them!  Which brings me to the guilt I mentioned above.

Guilt- no one tells you as a mother, how much guilt you would feel.  I feel guilty about going to work (eventhough I have to), about losing my patience with my children when I have only been home an hour, wanting time to myself even though I have been at work all week, not keeping the house clean enough, not staying in touch with friends,  not working out, letting my children watch tv, serving my son cheese puffs and yogurt bites for dinner and the list goes on and on.  And my husband never feels any guilt it seems- I think men are just missing that chip.

But despite all the guilt, I would become a mother again in a heartbeat (in fact I want a third baby now but that is a whole other post).  It is the most exhausting yet rewarding job there is.  And frankly it is reading blogs like Shannon's that make me feel that I am not alone in my worries as a mother.  What I try to remind myself of daily is that God made me exactly the mother that my children needed- and he (unlike me) does not make mistakes.